Aaron Rodgers’ Worst Idea Yet: Playing for the Jets

forget it Vaccination skepticism. forget it 9/11 Truth nonsense. forget it darkness retreats. He’s really lost his mind this time.

“It’s my intention to play for the Jets,” Aaron Rodgers said Wednesday The Pat McAfee Show.

Did we go through the looking glass? Are we just spawns of a mescaline-induced nightmare where the jets aren’t all-around awful? Has Rodgers embraced a new wellness trend that involves weekly public humiliation designed to flush out toxins?

For a guy who loves to hop onto podcasts to do his best Fredo Corleone impression and tell everyone within shouting distance how smart he is, the jets sure seem like a dumb choice. Let’s break down and refute some of Rodgers’ favorite claims:

Okay, stop for a moment and think critically about what you’re doing. Interested in trading with the New York Jetswho haven’t seen a playoff game in 12 years. To put it bluntly, you’re ready to be hired by the New York Jets, a team Bill Belichick, a really smart person, escaped so quickly that his resignation letter was literally scrawled on a napkin. Once again, you choose of your own free will to play for the New York Jets, whose most iconic franchise moment was playing quarterback run into a linesman’s ass. Surely you must understand that this decision does not seem critical or thoughtful.

Did you do your own research on the New York Jets? Even a quick look at the literature would tell you they’ve been an embarrassment to the Tri-State Area since Joe Namath stopped being the funny drinker. They’re just a Dan Snyder away from being the biggest joke in football.

No. You won Celebrity Danger. Stop.

Rodgers has no problem seek medical advice by Joe Rogan, a man who describes himself as “bloody idiot.” Is he also taking career advice from Rogan?

Despite all of this, it’s possible, even likely, that Rodger’s sojourn south of Moonachie will end better than that of his predecessor, Brett Favre. Rodgers, without snapping a single shot as a jet, is already surpassing Favre in his puke-green twilight years. And it all boils down to two crucial stats off the field: Rodgers has, to his credit, sent zero unsolicited dick photos to co-workers, and to our knowledge he has not been accused of misusing state welfare funds from Mississippi. (Favre, who is is currently being sued for $3.2 million from the state of Mississippi and has already repaid at least $1.1 million in the state of Mississippi, denies misuse of social funds from the state of Mississippi. Another point for Rodgers: He is much less argumentative.)

If Rodgers can keep up that pace, he’s beat No. 4 cleanly. The bar is not set very high. Incidentally, this is also the team motto of the New York Jets.

Of course, there’s always the possibility that Rodgers simply plans to send it in once it arrives. It’s a strategy that seems reasonable: Raise vast sums of money with minimal effort, enjoy New York’s nightlife, and swap theories about CIA brainwashing tactics with like-minded people while muttering to themselves on the subway.

But does he really need the stress? Especially when he can just retire and jump straight into broadcasting with a sweet prime-time slot on InfoWars? Alex Jones maybe run out of moneybut if Rodgers didn’t mind taking his paycheck to horse deworming, he’d be hired for life.

More of Deadspin’s New York Jets coverage can be found here Here as soon as you’re done crying Our funnier cousins ​​at The Onion also recently posted this jewel on Aaron Rodgers.