Philadelphia Eagles want XFL, USFL rules in NFL

EEvery time the XFL or USFL tries to make a comeback, they debut a series of creases to add excitement to the game. The epitome was that WWE’s XFL abolished fair catches to spread the CTE among all employees. The latest fad is a rule in the spirit of make-it-take-it, with teams forgoing onside kicks in favor of a fourth and long from home territory.

The Philly Eagles actually only proposed this rule change to the NFL, and I have to ask myself: What the heck has the onside kick done to football fans? When did we turn on the most exciting game in esports? The onside kick is just nerve-wracking enough to watch. You can still get a beer afterwards, or when the opponent is in hook-and-ladder territory, but not in that five- to 10-second time span when the ball is wobbling, spinning, or racing toward the hand team.

There’s something so weird about watching NFL athletes sprint for loose footballs. It’s like a pork chop falling to the ground in the midst of a pack of wolves; All you see is a mass of bodies rushing into the advance. And though the winner is usually bloody, they have the flesh, and in the flesh they have the glory.

No comedy like unintended football comedy

We want to abolish a game that leads to potential folly? Everyone loves soccer follies. So much so that companies used to compile these lowlights on VHS and sell them for $9.99. But yeah, put Jalen Hurts on the field and see if he can complete a 20-yard heve.

The bounce of a soccer ball is the most karmic of all sports balls. Nothing makes your stomach sink or your hopes soar like a miracle cure. Have you checked out a new XFL game? Yes, me neither. But it feels like a league looking for reasons to keep viewers tuned in, and the best way to do that is to ensure no lead is safe.

You know how mad a fanbase will be after the Chargers squandered a 28-point lead in the fourth quarter because Jimmy Garopolo pulled a defensive stance every time it was fourth and for the game? Los Angeles do it the way it is currently set up. For the love of God, Justin Herbert doesn’t need more opportunities for Brandon Staley to lose games.

Keep the onside kick. The success rate (5.4 percent across the NFL in 2022) whether the back team deserves another shot is perfect.

And if I learned anything about The Rock’s decision making, it’s like someone else should do it for him. It’s your own fault you got kicked out of La Familia, Dwayne.

If you want to read more about Deadspin’s XFL coverage, it doesn’t exist. We’ve talked a lot of shit about the Eagles though, so if that interests you, check out our eagle side.